DETROIT, MI – For the first time in 12 years the UAW has begun a nationwide strike at GM over an employees request for free Nutella. It started over the summer when Henry Davis a worker at the Flint, Michigan plant asked his union rep if they could supply complimentary Nutella in the break rooms and snow balled from there. “I really love Nutella,” said Davis. “I thought it would be a good morale booster and everyone agreed. We just didn’t expect management to be so against the idea. Who the hell can say no to Nutella?”
After that Davis and his co-workers fell into a slump. The motivation to do a good job just didn’t seem as important. Electrical wires on cars went uninstalled. Door panels were dinged and quality control suffered. But things came to a head last week when someone brought in their own jar of the insanely popular chocolate hazel nut spread only to be told by management that it was banned from the premises and anyone bringing it into the facility would be terminated. “They confiscated it,” said Mary Herbert. She was shocked but not surprised. After all it was not the first time that a popular treat had been taken from employees at the Flint plant by management. “Last time it was chocolate filled Twinkies”, Herbert said.
When UAW representatives heard about the Nutella confiscation they immediately went into action mode and demanded that not only should Nutella be allowed in break rooms at all GM facilities but that the management should have to pay for it. As of Sunday night over a dozen more demands have been added to the list.
Some of the UAW’s current demands:
- Free Nutella for all UAW workers.
- Emotional support animals allowed on factory floor.
- Allow employees to participate in Michael Grimes million dollar kickback program.
- Put Hostess classic pink Sno Balls in vending machines.
- Gary Jones scholarship program setup for UAW employees and their children.
- Scrap plans for T-1000 robots at all plants.
- One hour break for every hour worked.
- Employee meetings held at sports bar during football season.
- Stop investigating UAW leadership for possible criminal activities.
